Men's Stuff

The dangers of being a bloke in this cut throat world...

Women may think they’re better than blokes but when it comes to one thing they may well be, the fact that they have an XX chromosome to our XY makes our life a lot riskier. This XY chromosome is what makes us blokes! But it also gives us a lower life expectancy (girls get 82.8 years to our 77.7 years according to the United Nations Development Programme’s Human Development Report 2005 for Australians… and is purely evident to anyone who has ever been to a old persons home...)

There a few theories on why this is so…

We often tend to think that we are invincible …especially when we’re young which leads us often to do many dangerous (and sometimes very funny) activities such as extreme sports, ‘research’ into the personal effects of alcohol and drugs, dangerous driving and general crazy behaviours! This leads to a higher premature mortality rate with the largest risk age being the 20’s as well us blokes toping the top 10 in the Darwin awards every year.

Also according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics a leading cause of deaths from injury in Australia is due to suicides, with the ratio being 4:1 male to female. Due to our innate aussie culture of men being men, we are taught not to talk about emotions and problems but to just ‘deal with them’ and get on with it, so often for a man to admit he needs help this is looked upon as a weakness*. Our culture is slowly changing and that can only improve things. We have always had an awesome culture of mateship in Australia which should be used to the max too.

Blokes also rarely visit doctors, even though they’ll regularly service their cars we often don’t do the same for ourselves. Everyone needs a tune up every now and then!

The presence of testosterone in the male bodies also leads to competitiveness and aggressiveness causing fights and accidents.

So come on guys – let’s try and beat the chicks and look out for each other and ourselves.

* see www.beyondblue.com.au for information on male helplines and information about depression and other male orientated problems.

The insiders brief on how to rate a girl by what she's drinking...

Want to know the best way to approach a girl at the pub? It’s a big menacing world out there... you’ve gotta be careful. So here’s our Undercover Agent’s tips on how to make sure your approach is right…what your girl is drinking is the best indicator you’ve got so use these sure-fire techniques and you’ll be picking up from 0 to 100 in under 5…

1. Local Tap Beer – she loves her sport, is a real go-er with a no fuss or frills attitude, she’ll be just as happy hanging with your mates as you are, which could be a problem…Sure fire pick up line “Can I buy you a drink?”
2. Imported Tap or Bottle Beer – still pretty easy going but with just a touch of snob, loves her rugby… possibly went to an all girls private school and is still trying to overcompensate for it.. Don’t try pick up lines on this chick .. she’s way too tough for that.
3. Ready to Drink – premixed and in a bottle – This chick is probably underage (and her folks must be loaded to afford them now with the new taxes!) or could be just completely immature – a good tell tale sign here is the more unnatural the colour of the drink, the younger the girl. She wants to get drunk… very drunk.. Any pick up line will usually work on this girl... that’s if you can get her away from her friends..
4. White Wine – A woman on the road to sophistication... ?? possibly.. or could be a uni student on a tight budget.. the thing with wine is that you can never tell how expensive or cheap it is from just looking at it… same goes with this girl... trend carefully .. Line to try “This is incredible. This is the first time that this has ever happened to us. (What?) Each one of my 27 personalities found you cute!”
5. Champagne – Everyday is a party for this girl.. she’s a bit of a princess and will let you know it... a real daddy’s girl.. Trade Secret - Complement her shoes and you’re in like Flynn…
6. Red Wine – mature palette... probably knows wayyy to much, about everything... likes a drink and then a few.. Probably usually used to drink imported beer until she started to earn a bit... she knows what she wants and how to get it.. Line to try if you’re game “I've got a big nose, big hands, and really big feet………… That's right, I'm a clown.”
7. Cocktails – She wants to get drunk but still can’t handle the taste of alcohol and is trying to be sophisticated & grown up... she probably has an immature streak bigger than yours... can you take it? Buy her a $18 cocktail and you’ll probably find out. Chat up line for this girl “Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?”
8. White Spirits Mixed – A no nonsense girl with a wicked sarcastic streak… don’t use your typical pick up lines on this girl… it won’t work .. Lucky pick up line “Are you Natasha, my contact?”
9. Brown Spirits Mixed – She’s tough and probably from Queensland... Chat up line “So are you on for it... or what?”
10. Shots - A woman on the edge or hard core party girl?? Beware this one is usually hard to judge... a good sign is if she is drinking shots alone or with other friends… she’ll probably drink you under the table and then some.. Line to try “Go on, be unique and different... just say yes”
11. Everything – Do you have a bucket handy.. ? Lucky pick up line “I’ve got some cold pizza and Panadol back at my house”